Where the heart is

I recently read a not-so-fascinating article about the theory that women "pick their mate based on who is wanted by others." One, the article is quite anti-feminist in nature (although that wasn't the greatest criticism I had for it). Mainly, the concept is more like "duh." Not every relationship is a story of forbidden love. While some of us love having a system to rebel against, we cannot deny that small tinge of pleasure we derive when we do exactly as our peers say we should do, especially if we achieve/get the things that our peers want and they can't have them.

I don't think it's different for men or women. We all want specifically what we can't have. For me it's more of a material thing (I remember who much I wanted a Furbie when they were sold out), but I suppose it applies to people as well. It isn't ideal, true, it's simply a fact of life.

The question I continue to struggle with is what exactly "true love" is or what it means to be truly attracted to someone. Clearly sexual preference plays a role, and that is purely physical. So why deny that truth, that physical desires must play into a relationship? But at what point does that general acknowledgment turn into vanity? For me, physical fitness trumps a pretty face because, in the American meritocracy way, good fitness (while you can be born with certain propensities or genetic factors) for the most part is something for which anyone can strive. A pretty face is like noble blood-it's just a birthright, and as I've mentioned before, not what attracts me. Good physical fitness reflects a certain approach to life, a level of self-control that a person can achieve. Being ultra-toned or obsessed isn't what I mean. Just a general sense of one's own body suffices.

There are certain things that we use to filter people. Physical appearance. A specific political leaning. Certain interests. Achievements or goals. So often we are wrong though. Being qualified for any job doesn't mean being qualified for any relationship. Working for someone is different than being with someone. Being a perfect person isn't going to dry the tears of a crying child, teased at school or failing an assignment. A good couple complements each other-forms balance. I'll leave it at that.

Another thing-as far as character traits go, it seems that we forgive those flaws in the ones we love that we would never forgive in others. At first I thought it seemed poetic, that maybe it is because of those flaws that we love them. But then I decided that it is much simpler than that. Those for whom we find ourselves able to forgive all the flaws and little character traits that we would hate in others are the ones with whom we ultimately fall in love.