That's How They Are

I remember as a child being raised to take offense when strangers would ask me questions that pertained to my ethnicity. "Where are you from?" and "Do you know karate?" were supposed to stir feelings of resentment and defensiveness, insinuating of course that I was somehow different from them. The implication of not asking such questions being of course that I was culturally the same and should not inspire such questions. It was best, it seemed to me, to treat everyone as though they were no different from myself, as though they were the same.

I grew up in a predominantly caucasian town, with a limited number of non-white students and even fewer immigrants (I think the percentages rounded to 0). Culturally speaking, it is probably fair to say that we were honestly quite homogenous in terms of our families and culture, our religions and traditions. If you were to assume certain things about others as being the same as yourself, you would have a high likelihood of being correct. We went to separate middle schools across town, and high school was finally a time when economic, if not cultural, diversity broadened a bit. It was actually during high school that I once made a comment that suggested I thought of myself as white on a certain level, although I will leave out what that comment was. It was not until college, however, did I find that a significant number of my friends of minority ethnicities or the children of immigrants or immigrants themselves (both my parents are Chinese-my father was born in Hong Kong but came over before he turned 7 and has never been back, so I don't really count him). And while there may have been some tendency "self-segregate," it was mainly due to shared experiences, perspectives, and certain traditions or nuances through which they felt camaraderie. And as I finally had more Asian friends than I had ever had in my life, I found myself thinking more and more of my own experiences and how they compared to theirs. I remember asking one of them why I would take such offense when people asked me about my heritage, and his response was that it was because I don't identify as Asian, and consequently felt defensive at the notion that anyone would expect me to.

Since coming to Houston however, I've noticed that it is more diverse (in my experience) than Boston, both economically and ethnically. And the approach to ethnicity is somewhat different here-as opposed to a seemingly manic approach to presuming everyone is the same, those I have encountered seem much more ready to assume that people are different. I've never heard so many people start talking to someone in another language based on their ethnicity, assuming of course that the individual speaks this language. Except the people I have seen do it have lived extensively overseas, and in many different nations. Assuming such things is not necessarily racist in the traditional sense, but there seems to be the same level of eagerness to embrace different cultures as there is eagerness to be polite to strangers. People are also in general much less afraid of not being politically correct.

So what this made me ask is whether it is more offensive to assume others are the same as you or to assume they are different. What is important to note, however, is that assuming people are different is one thing, but assuming that they are specifically different and have a culture to go along with their skin is another. It is a moot cause to decry prejudging others based on their skin color, because one way or another we all make judgments about others before we meet them. It's a natural part of human interactions.

But culture is not determined by skin color. I think therein lies the answer to my question. Forgetting suggesting that we should not assume anything about others in some ideal world, it seems to me perfectly fair to assume people are different-but not because of ethnicity.

Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself for not knowing more of my heritage. At the same time, I feel I should not have a heritage based on a birthright, but rather one decided based on my own preferences, whether that culture I prefer the most is Chinese, Finnish, Indian, or Greek (I don't like Chinese food-I love Mediterranean food, my philosophies on life probably lie somewhere between). I've said it before and I'll say it again: I personally don't believe in taking pride in anything that is a birthright, whether it has to do with the country one was born in, one's ethnicity, socioeconomic status, or anything else. But I believe in taking pride in one's own choices, one's own accomplishments. The choice to live in a specific nation, adopt a certain cultural style, or focus on one's own physical fitness. This can also mean pride in a birthright, for example pride in being born into a persecuted or marginalized group and overcoming these obstacles. But I digress.

The core of the argument lies in what assumptions we are making about other people. It's similar to the issue of whether there is such a thing as a positive stereotype. Ideally of course we wouldn't have to worry about such things. But since we do, they're interesting to ponder.